INTO THE MOUNTAINS
This is what I wrote:
At some point after my divorce, I came to believe
that I deserved to be punished for hurting a person
that I loved for so many years. Even if our 12-year
relationship needed to an end, the guilt I feel from
leaving my marriage consumes me every day. I still
see the pain in his face and the fear in his eyes when
I told him I had to leave. I still hear sadness in his
voice when he told me not to go. The memory is just
so vivid in my mind.
I have allowed this memory to block all the
good memories that came from my marriage. I
have allowed this memory to put a halt to any
happiness that has tried to enter my life since that
day. My failed marriage has made me also feel like
a complete failure.
However, as I sit in front of something so grand
and pure, I realize that there is so much beauty to
be seen in this world. I have to start making space
for this beauty. I have to unpack this guilt and leave
it at on the edge of this lake.
I sat on the shore of Taggart Lake for what seemed
like an hour. It was so peaceful in this spot that I
could hear the silence fill the space around the
trees behind me. Tears rolled down my face as I
sat in the silence.
Before I started my journey back, I walked to
the edge of the lake. There were a few inches of
shallow water that had thawed under the warming
rays of the sun. Dipping my fingers into the cold
water, I tried to imagine the entire ecosystem that
existed just below the surface. There was so much
life sitting under that ice and it was just waiting for
everything to melt so that it could finally reveal
itself. Was I like this lake? Was I also waiting for a
new season to arrive so that I could finally reveal
a metamorphosis that was slowly taking place just
underneath my own surface?
I’m Not Good at Goodbyes
After three days of soul searching on the trails
of the Grand Tetons, it was time for me to catch
my flight back home. I woke up early to see my
last sunrise at Heart Six Ranch. As I watched the
sun peek over the valley below the lodge, I wished
I had booked my stay for longer. Leo must have
known I would be leaving soon because he came
to sit down beside me around the time the sun was
almost completely above the ridge.
“I am not good at goodbyes,” I said to the French
Mastiff as I rubbed a spot behind his ear. Besides a
small group of bison I stopped for every day while
driving back and forth to Jackson Hole, Leo and
the ranch manager were the only regular contacts
I made while in Wyoming. Most of my days were
spent alone, and in silence.
A few more minutes passed before I walked to
my cabin to gather the luggage I packed the night
before. Leo followed closely behind. I picked up
my backpack. It seemed so heavy when I first
arrived, but now it felt a bit lighter. I guess I had
accomplished lightening my load after all. This
made me smile.
“Where will you go next, Gypsy?” the manager
asked as I started to walk to my car with my luggage,
Leo my faithful escort.
“Everywhere. I will go everywhere,” I declared
with a feeling of confidence I hadn’t felt in some
time.
After all, I was now a gypsy and there is just so
much world to see.
Hit the deck outdoors this summer at buckhead to enjoy our made-from-scratch
favorites, while enjoying live music, craft beer specials, and stunning river views.
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