Extol December 2018-January 2019 | Page 54

PAUL KIGER balancing everything and making it work.” That, however, was becoming a thin veneer. “On paper, I was a rock star,” he recalled, “but I was spiritually sick. Nothing was ever enough. I had no sense of a higher power. I volunteered for everything, but always with selfish, self-centered motives.” It didn’t affect his work. But alcohol is a depressant, and he needed to be up when he was out networking. So there was an increasing reliance on the Adderall, which is an amphetamine. It becomes a spiral, and spirals usually spiral downward. Besides, it must have been frightening for a man who strove for everything, only to have everything and still not be fulfilled. “I found out that driving a Lexus at the age of 25 did nothing for me,” he said. “By 2009 and 10, I was drinking and overmedicating, and getting miserable.” checked into a treatment center,” he said. There, he found a 12-step program that worked for him. He also found God. “I’d always had a conflict with God over the whole gay thing,” he said. “But I had a spiritual awakening. That was the biggest thing, finding a higher power. If I were to trust the process, it would now be OK to trust God.” Kiger joined a church in New Albany, admitting that what first attracted him was the architecture, but he loved the traditional feel of the service and the hymnal. “It was like going to church in New Middletown with my grandmother.” And what sealed the deal, for him, was the church’s progressive nature and its acceptance of the gay community. Keep it simple And so, it was back into the fray for Kiger. Only It’s all part of the same “Paul personality,” said his friend, Debby Farmer. “As much as he embraced the lifestyle he’d had before, that’s how much he has embraced this new lifestyle – only this is a positive one. It’s a lifestyle that feeds his soul.” Kiger works out three to four days a week at Katy Hearn Gym with Chastain Schneider. He also simplified his life, moving out of his 6,000-square-foot New Albany mansion and into a three bedroom/two bath, 2,000-square-foot brick ranch in Silver Hills. He’s also remained civically active. Kiger is involved in the City of New Albany Human Rights Commission and is the 2019 incoming president of SoIN, the tourism bureau of Clark and Floyd counties. “What we need from a president is a connection with the community, good at networking and partnering and a willingness to get involved and learn,” said SoIN Executive Director Jim Epperson. Paul Kiger with (from left) Jim Epperson, Todd Read and Luanne “I will not bury you” Kiger was blasting through his Adderall meds. In 2015, his partner Andrew got ahold of his pill bottle. “Two weeks into my 30-day prescription and I had only five left. It was obvious that I was abusing. And, to make it worse, he thought I had quit the year before. “I’ll never forget what he said to me: ‘I will not bury my partner. We won’t be together if you continue to destroy yourself. I’ll still be your friend, but I will not be your partner.’ ” That’s when Kiger decided he was “sick and tired of being sick and tired.” “I stopped the drinking and the meds and 52 EXTOL : DECEMBER 2018/JANUARY 2019 this time, he was concentrating on his recovery – and the recoveries of other alcoholics. “My priorities changed,” he said. “I needed to be of service, guiding others, giving to them what had been given to me – a softer way of living. Being part of a sobriety program saved my life.” “I think he has learned that people will accept him as he is,” said business partner Sarah Ring. “He’s more settled. He doesn’t have to work so hard at it.” She said he’s completely focused on his recovery now. “He meditates, prays, goes to his meetings and is serious about taking care of himself. It’s his new top priority.” “And Paul is all that. He lives the SoIN lifestyle. He’s familiar throughout the neighborhood, runs a local business and enjoys the local nightlife. He has enormous energy.” Yes. Only now, it’s not an energy fueled by cocktail glasses and pill bottles. And it’s no longer motivated by selfish or practical concerns. It’s all coming from somewhere else, somewhere within – from the spirituality he has finally found. “I’m truly happy and content,” Kiger said. “At last, I can say that. In the past three – almost four – years, what I have found is the true meaning of what love is in every aspect of my life: I love more today.”